Friday, December 30, 2011

Peaceless Poop

I'll bet that title got your attention...
it's why you're here.
If you are a mommy,
than you know that alone time is precious.
Wanna know one of my wishes for MY New Year?
This year I would like more ME time.
I'm not talking hours and hours...
Maybe just minutes.
I don't think so.
I am not talking about the few minutes
spent at the sewing machine
while I am in the midst of running
(more like trotting, I have VERY short stumpy legs)
from preschool to tweenschool,
wolfing down one,
two, or fourteen cups of coffee,
cramming a Nutri-grain bar in my mouth
and running back to the sewing machine
to get a couple orders out.
I am talking unadulterated, quiet time.
What is that you may ask?
I know Mamas,
it's a foreign concept to me too.
If you are a mom,
you know that quiet time consists
of hiding in the bathroom
with a chocolate bar while your mini invaders
knock incessantly on the door.
That's what I call Mommy vacation.
At least you know that they are all right
and staying out of trouble....
they are still knocking on the door.
Peaceless poop.
Then comes the horrid day
when they don't knock on the door any more.
You know in your heart of hearts that it is way too quiet,
and for goodness sake, you better hurry.
I have visions of sugary icing chocolate face,
a gallon of spilled milk all over the kitchen floor,
toddler hair cuts,
and my purse in shambles on the floor...
because they would die,
immediately, without a piece of gum.
Then there are days when they run around in circles.
I can hear their pounding feet and chirpy little voices
from my semi-potty peacefulness .
Our old, old, old, cabin is built in a circle.
It is just begging
for socks to be sliding through the kitchen,
and for the toddler, the tween, and the dog
to play "chase me! chase me!".
I imagine that children played
the same game 100 years ago in this house.
They were probably much quieter...
making sure not to fall over the butter churn
and the pot belly stove.
Old cabin Mom had to go outside to hide in the potty.
Ewwww.....and brrrrr.......
In super long skirts.
Not pretty I am sure.
Now THAT is desperate quiet time.
This year, I am determined to have
more than the few minutes
of quiet time spent on the potty,
or hiding in the shower.Between the curtain being pulled aside
because a certain adorable toddler needs a tiny barbie shoe
she swears is floating in the water,and the same toddler swearing that you put the
"frosties" on the window purely for her writing pleasure,
showers have become an olympic event.
I am lucky that my oldest child, almost 13,
is old enough to watch her little sister
for 10 minutes while I sneak a "speed shower".
THAT was quite a milestone in this Mommy's bathroom habits.
This year, my wish is for the Mommies.
I wish you a year with more peaceful poos,
uneventful warm showers
(hot may be asking too much),
and at least three minutes to wash your face,
brush your teeth,
and put a little makeup on your beautiful tired face.
After all,
we would'nt trade our bathroom invaders
for all of the chocolate in Wonka's goodie vaults.
Someday when they are all grown up
we will be longing for the days of
"Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, are you done?
Can I come in?
Do you know where my barbie shoes are?
Are you pooping?
I have to go NOW!
Can I have cookies?"
I may miss it someday.But for now,
have a beautiful New Year my friends!

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